You may have noticed ...

You may have noticed that things have been pretty quiet from Side B lately.   As much as we all love to frolic in the shadows, sometimes life has other priorities.   While still very passionate about his art and shadowsexposed, Side B needs to take a hiatus from blogging with me and focus on other commitments right now.   Obviously, without him shadowsexposed would never have started and we will miss his inputs ... and hopefully soon he'll be able to take an active role here once again!  

In  the interest of keeping some varying perspectives and styles here, I'm hoping to find some guest bloggers to balance out my sassy self!   Hit me up if you'd like to contribute your thoughts or your work ... it's simply more fun around here with more minds at play!   

Thanks again to everyone for the incredible support you've shown thus far ... I'm having a blast in the blog-iverse and look forward to getting into a lot more mischief with you all through this hot wild summer!   Till next time, carpe diem and all that jazz!

Danse Joyeuse - 053013 - Miz B

Through a Glass Darkly ... Beyond the Peeping Tom Taboo

We have such sights to show you!  ~Pinhead in Hellraiser

I'm going out on a limb here when I say that most of you probably have a strong voyeuristic streak!  Simply put, the term comes from the French voyeur , "one who looks."  So many elements of sex are highly visual that it's no surprise we find watching erotic.   Of course, part of what makes voyeurism so exciting is its illicit nature ... the idea that those we view are unaware of our presence, that we are somehow peeking behind the curtains to see a reality usually hidden in the privacy of shadows.

Through a Glass Darkly - 052913 - Miz B

So what is so very exciting about watching someone's passions from the safety of our own shadows?   Perhaps it has something to do with our own distance ... there is nothing required of us by the experience, no demands from a partner, no judgement of our desires.   We need be concerned only with our own pleasure as we peer into the interactions of others.  I believe the other major appeal for the voyeur is the honesty of what we see.   In almost all interactions with others, we know that on some level they are wearing masks ... they show us what they want us to see.   As a voyeur, you get to glimpse how someone is in unguarded, wholly vulnerable moments.   Many "swingers" delight in the perspective they gain by observing their partner in flagrante delicto with someone else.   In the abandon of orgasm, we lose control and all artifice falls away.   Watching someone in this very raw and primal state is incredibly exciting!  

Windows on My World - 052913 - Miz B

What are some of your favorite memories and fantasies involving voyeurism?  Let's peek through the curtains together and peer into those shadows, shall we?

Here I Go, Here I Go, Here I Go Again ... Girls, what's my weakness? MEN!!

Let's be honest ... a huge proportion of erotic art is dedicated to the female form.   Oftentimes men - if they are present at all - are nothing more than the prop to the woman - like a fabulous accessory with a pulse!   Even in porn, men tend to be underpaid and enjoy less celebrity than women.   The obvious exception to this is in gay-targeted art ... I came to the conclusion years ago that the best source for male eye-candy was going to be on gay sites, in gay galleries, and the portfolios of gay photographers.   Which honestly is just fine by me ... it's not like I plan to try to date these models - I just want to enjoy their amazing images.  Gay, straight, bi, celibate, nice, jerk ... doesn't really matter to me when it comes to appreciation of a man's photos & videos! 

Candyman - 052513 - Miz B

I've heard people say that naked women are beautiful and naked men are funny.  I would propose that they are looking at the wrong naked men!   There is such an awesome variety of masculinity ... lean, muscled, baby-faced, rugged, gentle eyes, wicked grins ... I could go on and on!  As a connoisseur of form and beauty, energy and eroticism, I'm lucky to be able to say that it's my job to indulge my senses in the quest for models who fit my projects.   I find both men and women to be sensual and yummy ... but there is a raw, dynamic energy in men that inspires me.   There is such a contrast between their physical power and their tenderness - and it's a rush to never know which facet is heading your way in any given moment.  

Adonis - 052513 - Miz B

Bottom line, from their skin to their grin, from their eyes to their thighs, from their winking to their thinking ... men are simply my drug of choice and I never tire of capturing their sexiness for posterity!

I've always loved the Salt-N-Pepa anthem to the variations of male awesomeness:

All Things in Moderation: Especially Moderation!!

Beauty is only skin deep. I think what's really important is finding a balance of mind, body and spirit. Somebody said to me not too long ago, 'Until you're twenty, you have the face you are born with, and after that you have the face you deserve,' and I really loved that - the idea that you wear who you are on your face.  ~Jennifer Lopez

What a fabulous way of looking at beauty!   I'm always trying to convince people that being a model isn't about being perfect, it's about being yourself and letting your spirit show through in your images.   I adore the idea that even my imperfections help to tell a story and make me more accessible than some creepily perfect Barbie doll supermodel.   

I think that balance is incredibly important to my craft and to any fulfilling life.   A friend from high school recently wrote to me with some very kind words about shadowsexposed and asked for my thoughts on balance ... which naturally set my mental gears a-grinding on the issue!   So many of us suffer from burnout ... others from boredom ... and some of us overachievers prefer to swing a wild pendulum arc between the two at regular intervals!   

St. Peter's Rome - 052313 - Miz B

Angels & Demons:  Nina - 052313 - Miz B

So how are we to prioritize and balance all our various responsibilities and desires?   I'm a model and a mother, a business woman and a daughter,  a writer and a friend,  a lover and a mentor,  a brat and a flirt,  a workaholic and a freak.   There's quite a three ring circus in my head most days and there are only so many hours to share it with the world!   

I suspect that women tend to struggle more with balance, trying to be all things to all people  ... between career and family, between being the women men dream of and the ones they wife, between being a good girl and being a desired minx.   Don't get me wrong - men also have to balance (moreso than any generation before us):  being a good guy and being the bad boy, being a provider while encouraging independence, and the nightmare tightrope walk between being masculine and being sensitive.  Regardless of gender, though, learning to balance our many sides, desires, and needs is a universal human challenge.

The best we can do is to follow our hearts and remember to consciously choose who to be and how to pass our time.   Anytime life is out of balance, there are warning signs.   It could be a vague unhappiness, a health problem, or a flat out crisis ... but it always comes back to finding your own center.    There is no arbitrary line that offers us a formula for success or happiness.   The perfect amount of work for one person might completely exhaust another.   One woman might be empowered by sexual escapades that would embarrass another.  One man might be bored by a romantic interlude that inspires another.   

I find a simple rule of thumb effective :  

Moderation in all things, especially moderation. 

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

There's no such thing as too much - until I've had my fill.   There's no such thing as too little - until I yearn for more.   Most importantly, there's no such thing as perfect balance ... life is dynamic and no equilibrium exists in a vacuum.  Desires and energies shift.   Focus will wax and wane.   Day to day, year to year, I am a kaliedoscope of my facets - shifting and creating new beauty, only to shift again and recreate myself.   Whatever image you see when you look at me ... trust that I am already in motion, rearranging and catching different light, creating this moment's version of life at the speed of B.  Sometimes steady, sometimes teetering at the brink, always juggling passions as I walk this tightrope.  Below me lies a net ... or an endless void ... or a pit of fierce hungry alligators.  It really doesn't matter to me - I've no intention of falling.   Let the audience gasp at my antics high above the ground, let the world wonder at the feat for they are too afraid to climb, and let my steps be true for they are bold, timid, quick, measured, fearless and afraid - but always they are mine!

Never Say Never Again

One of my personal mottos in life is "Try everything twice, in case the person you did it with the first time didn't know what they were doing!"   I was lucky to be raised by a mother who always insisted that "You can't say you don't like it if you've never tried it!"  And of course good ole James Bond taught me to "Never Say Never Again!"

Too many people confuse preferences with absolute limits, mistaking habits for boundaries.  Obviously, this is true in many aspects of life, but let's talk about them in the context of sex, shall we? ;-)  Some limits are non-negotiable.   I don't care how hot you are or how into the moment I am, you won't be able to talk me into permanent bodily injury, bestiality, pedophilia, or bathroom games (and no I don't mean sex in the shower lol!).   But what about those limits that hang out in the gray areas of life?  Those things that you find uninteresting or slightly uncomfortable.   I'm not into a lot of kinks, but I'm not averse to trying them with someone who is.   If experience has taught me anything, it's that life has a way of delivering exceptions to almost every rule.  One needn't be into rough sex to find a perfectly timed ass-slap inspiring!   

Many moons ago, I was dabbling with an adorable submariner from Kansas {of all places lol!} ... we were discussing boundaries and I playfully mentioned that I was game for just about anything as long as he didn't want to suck my toes.  Imagine my shock when his face fell as if I'd just taken away his birthday and Christmas all at once!   Turns out he was a truly devoted foot-fetishist and I'd just chopped off his fantasy at the knees!   After talking it over, I still couldn't even pretend to be into letting him worship my feet ... and he'd been warned that I was VERY ticklish, so he was taking his life in his own hands by heading way way down south to explore.   Yet he was so honest and earnest ... and I had to admit that aside from a reflexive kick to his charming head the exploration was unlikely to harm anyone.   So with zero expectation of enjoying the experience, I acquiesced and opened myself to the possibility that it wouldn't be toooo awful!  After all, reciprocity is key to great sexual relationships and I found him more than willing to indulge my preferences as well.

Sole Mate - 051913 - Miz B

Had he zeroed in on my toes from the jump, I'm quite certain it would have been disastrous.   But knowing that wasn't my thing, he did what all smart men do - he gave the lady what she wanted and teased himself with a torturous scenic route on the way to his promised land.   By the time he got where he wanted to be, I was delirious enough with him that I barely thought about what he was doing.   My pre-conceived distaste for the idea of what he was doing had been absolutely lost in the passion with which he did it.   Were my tootsies miraculously transformed to an erotic zone?   Not even close.   But was my entire body and mind attenuated to find his every move erotic and mesmerizing?  Hell yes.   I can count on one hand the number of times in life I've seen anyone so absorbed in erotic focus ... so absolutely intent on giving pleasure and being fulfilled by doing so.  As many other things as we did, he was never sexier than he was at my soles!

Had anyone told me that I would enjoy that experience, I'd have been willing to place money against them.   Had anyone told me that man would manage to bring me to a mind-blowing orgasm simply by adoring my feet, I'd have laughed them out of the building!   But 007 was right ... one should never say never.   I can die a happy woman without another single foot experience.  He didn't convert me, but he did open my mind.  Any journey into the shadows can yield surprise adventures, if you have the right tour guide and a willingness to trust them to show you the delights off your beaten path!  Bon Voyage, dear Readers ... we look forward to hearing about your travels! 

Curl My Toes - 051913 - Miz B

Changing the meaning

Moon Marie - 051513 - Side B

I've known conflicting meanings for the word Bitch.  One of the first times I remember hearing the word was an old farmer talking about his female dog going into heat.  I didn't know what heat was and I wondered why he didn't refer to the dog by her name.  Later, I had to ask my dad what bitch meant and he said that some people call girl dogs that and that it is also a nasty word for a woman.

Since then, I learned that it meant so much more, especially when used as a name or to describe a woman.  Sadly, I've called a few women bitches over the years, something I am not proud of now.  I usually used it to describe a woman that pissed me off.

There have been many good articles about how successful or powerful women, especially in leadership are called bitches while men showing same characteristics are called favorable terms.  What changed my mind on how I view women and bitches was from a simple Saturday Night Live bit with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.

Bitches Get Stuff Done!	UCBcomedy.com
Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

I now view the word bitch as an honorific.  As Tina says, "Bitches get stuff done!"  I respect the bitches I know.  They have power, they have agency, and they deserve respect.  

Now, I am not saying there aren't women that piss me off for how they treat me, others, or how they behave.  I prefer the gender neutral term that is usually reserved for men - asshole.  We all know an asshole when we interact with him or her.  The characteristics are the same for either gender and I feel it better describes the bad behaviors she/he exhibits.  I confess that I've been called an asshole, sometimes deservedly.  

You'd be shocked {OR NOT!} to hear how often people guess that Miz B is short for Bitch ... I find the word rather empowering when it's used as part of a lil temper tantrum when someone doesn't get their way, offensive when used as a dismissive, and amusing when used as a lame compliment, as in "You are one bad bitch!" to which I usually reply, "You have NO idea!"   I'm not likely to use it as an insult toward a woman (the "C" word being my preferred verbal grenade) ... though I do find it to be particularly effective when used sparingly to refer to men!    

“I'm tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.”

~Madonna

Another word that I think needs to be re-defined is slut.  We can save that for another post though.   {Yayyyyy - cannot wait for that discussion!!}

It's a Lowdown Dirty Shame

In the past few weeks, I've detected a theme in my inbox ... numerous faithful but silent blog readers confessing to me their enjoyment of shadowsexposed as if it's a dirty little secret.   Just yesterday, a gentleman I consider a friend noted:  "I always feel like such a perv looking at the shadowsexposed pics, but I can never look away."  Yikes ... does that make me a perv for posting them?   Guilty of luring innocents to the dark side?   How can something so beautiful, so mental, so sensual evoke such conflicted feelings?

This has all gotten me contemplating why so many lurk here instead of actively participating ... why such shame at consuming the art we so willingly serve up?   Where does this stigma come from and why is it so hard for people to be comfortable with their own yearning for more?  Religious indoctrination?  Socialization?  Inborn moral compass?  As always, I have my own theories, but I'm curious to hear your ideas, confessions, musings on these questions!  Remember you can comment anonymously ... trust me when I tell you that you are definitely not the only one who has been silently sliding in and out of the shadows with us!

Here's some thoughts on guilt and shame (accented by exclusive, never before released images by the brilliant Rae) to get you started!

Confession - 051113 - Image courtesy of Rae

Shame is a soul eating emotion. ~ C.G. Jung 

Secrets - 051113 - Image courtesy of Rae

Shame is the lie someone told you about yourself.  ~Anaïs Nin

Repent - 051113 - Image courtesy of Rae

Guilt is a weight that will crush you whether you deserve it or not.  ~Maureen Johnson

Judgement - 051113 - Image courtesy of Rae

It has always seemed that a fear of judgment is the mark of guilt 

and the burden of insecurity.  ~Criss Jami

Penance - 051113 - Image courtesy of Rae

The difference between guilt and shame is very clear—in theory. 

We feel guilty for what we do. We feel shame for what we are.  ~Lewis B. Smedes

Deliverance - 051113 - Image courtesy of Rae

Once my heart was captured, reason was shown the door, deliberately and with a sort of frantic joy. I accepted everything, I believed everything, without struggle, without suffering,without regret, without false shame. How can one blush for what one adores?  ~George Sand

Absolution - 051113 - Image courtesy of Rae

I Wanna Know What You're Really Working With - Show Me Your Venus!

Venus - 050813 - Miz B

“A man's sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions.... He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer--because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.”  ~ Ayn Rand

I'm a firm believer that Ms. Rand was a genius on this one ... and it applies to everyone, not just straight men.   Show me the person of your fantasies, your dreams, your life ... and I will see YOU and how you really feel about yourself!

Ever see a man with a woman you think is waaaaaay out of his league?   I guarantee you that he'd disagree (as would she!) ... he knows deep in his soul that he is worthy of her.  Wherever he perceives his own value - physical, financial, emotional, intelligence, sexual skill - he sees her as fitting into that world.  This isn't limited to physically attractive mates - she might be a trophy to look at but a cinderblock around the neck in other ways.  On balance though, she will respresent his self-image.

Ever see a woman who is brilliant, ambitious, and seems to have it all together   ... but her lovelife is a perpetual train wreck?   I'll show you a woman with a flawed sense of her sexual power and worth as a woman.  Deep down she believes that the drama and trauma are exactly what she deserves, so she chooses people who will create it over and over.

We all know those people who act like players, but it's clear to everyone around them that they are actually insecure on a primal level.  They slum and settle, flitting from easy score to easy score ... all the while hiding their deep fear that that's the best they can pull, or protecting themselves from the risk of rejection by a superior partner who sees through their bluff.   

There are so many expressions of our sense of self in life - our clothing, our homes, our cars, our jobs, our friends.   Our partner, though, is the closest to our hearts ... we call them soul mates, as if they are actually an extension of us - our better half.   We all express our truest view of ourselves through our choice of partners.  

As people grow and evolve, it's not uncommon for them to "trade up" partners ... sometimes this is midlife crisis posturing, but it often makes sense that as one's view of self evolves, one's vision of the ideal counterpart evolves.  Self-awareness requires the shedding of many skins and newfound maturity can require new challenges and complementary people.  

Next time you feel an urge to spring clean your psyche, and gut-check your choices ... take a moment to consider your ideal partner, look at the patterns of your attractions, and perceive your lovers as a mirror to your deepest sense of self.    You might just be surprised!

Random Notes in the Key of B

Krysta Kaos - 050213 - Side B

Blog friend D.L. wrote so many good questions.  Below are a few for Miz B and me to answer.

What do you judge people by when first meeting them?
How they were introduced to me.  Their handshake.  The amount of eye contact.  There are no hard rules to how I will judge them, but by observing these three things, I usually get a gut feeling for them.

I tend to take note of details in their demeanor, then assume that none of these are to be believed!   I form impressions based on body language, clever turns of phrase (or lack thereof!), sparkles in the eye, and their overall posture.   I'm often quite right in my perceptions, but have learned over the years that people take months - if not years - to show you the totality of what lies within.  The less I presume to know, the better able I am to adapt to new information their behavior imparts.

If you could become invisible at will – what would you do with that power?
While the temptation to spy on others is always there, I would prefer to go for the subtle.  In my benevolent days, I would truly anonymously find ways to help those needing it.  It may be just slipping some food to a homeless person or softly whispering into a lonely person's ear, "You are loved."  

For much of this though, I think I would just enjoy truly disappearing and relaxing. With no one noticing me at all, I could relax and fully watch the day go by and feel inanimate, for once.  

As a joker, I would drive around and scare the hell out of people as they witness a "driverless" car go by.  

While I do enjoy the thought of having a voyeur's paradise with this one, I must admit that I find the thought of invisibility less than appealing!   Practical most definitely, but I enjoy being noticed and being able to influence events in full view.   I suspect I would use this gift rarely to confirm suspicions and get an edge in business dealings ... but it sounds like less fun than intuiting!

What surprised you about having sex?

The complexity and the primal nature of it.  I first noticed the primal parts of it, instinct, base desires, raw sex smells, tastes, sweat, noises, and raw movements.  Afterward, I noticed how complex it was due to all of these things I listed being blended into a mix of emotions, needs, intimacy, and connection.  All of them made sex so much more than fantasy, masturbation, or what is witnessed through porn.  

How varied it is.   Sex can be a billion different experiences ... day to day, person to person, mood to mood.   One would think that eventually the novelty would wear off, but perhaps that's only true if one fails to explore and vary and expand their experiences.  At one time I actually believed that sex was like any other skill ... something one could master with practice.   Now it seems to me that every mastery brings another level of exploration into view.

What non-sexual thing is sexual to you?

Cigarette smoke.  I do not advocate smoking, but there is something very sexual about it.  It isn't the obvious oral connections that do it for me.  The sexual part of it is the flow and sharing of air.  When I am with a smoker I am attracted to I see and hear her inhale through the cigarette, the red cherry growing bright orange with heat from the oxygen passing through it and pulling the smoke deep into her lungs, into her, and becoming part of her.  I then hear her exhale and see the smoke flow out of her after becoming part of her.  I then breath in, knowing that the smoky air I am pulling into me had just been in her and taken her and is now sharing the similar path in my own body.  

Wait ... there are nonsexual things?!   I'm often teased that any topic is half a degree of separation from sex for me.   I believe in theory that sometimes a tunnel is just a tunnel and a train is just a train ... but heaven help me, if one meets the other, it's sexy!   In my defense, I perceive sexuality to be more than just the raw physical act of intercourse, so naturally I see sexual elements everywhere.   If it's a physical, tactile thing - it's got a sexual element.  If it's a spirtual or emotional interaction - it's got a sexual element.   

When there is chemistry and sexual attraction, every action seems infused with seduction.  When attraction is fresh, every mundane motion is sensual ... the way she brushes her hair from her eyes, the way he pours his coffee.   I think a key to being a sexual force of nature is to stay tuned into the sensuality of these "non-sexual" things!

Is giving oral sex a pleasure or a chore?

Depends.  I love both sides of it, but it isn't always magic.  Is she enjoying giving it?  Is she enjoying and wanting more of it as I give it?  Depending on those answers, it can be a chore, or a pleasure, or a pleasurable chore.  

Oral is like any other kind of sex ... it can fall anywhere on the spectrum from "ewwww must I? " to "oh mercy let's do that again!"  As you all know by now, I'm rabidly opposed to doing anything just because I'm supposed to ... I try to live by doing what I passionately wish to.   I think any sexual act can vary vastly from partner to partner, circumstance to circumstance.   Truly great lovers don't follow a script ... they follow the moment.