|Venus - 050813 - Miz B|
“A man's sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions.... He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer--because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.” ~ Ayn Rand
I'm a firm believer that Ms. Rand was a genius on this one ... and it applies to everyone, not just straight men. Show me the person of your fantasies, your dreams, your life ... and I will see YOU and how you really feel about yourself!
Ever see a man with a woman you think is waaaaaay out of his league? I guarantee you that he'd disagree (as would she!) ... he knows deep in his soul that he is worthy of her. Wherever he perceives his own value - physical, financial, emotional, intelligence, sexual skill - he sees her as fitting into that world. This isn't limited to physically attractive mates - she might be a trophy to look at but a cinderblock around the neck in other ways. On balance though, she will respresent his self-image.
Ever see a woman who is brilliant, ambitious, and seems to have it all together ... but her lovelife is a perpetual train wreck? I'll show you a woman with a flawed sense of her sexual power and worth as a woman. Deep down she believes that the drama and trauma are exactly what she deserves, so she chooses people who will create it over and over.
We all know those people who act like players, but it's clear to everyone around them that they are actually insecure on a primal level. They slum and settle, flitting from easy score to easy score ... all the while hiding their deep fear that that's the best they can pull, or protecting themselves from the risk of rejection by a superior partner who sees through their bluff.
There are so many expressions of our sense of self in life - our clothing, our homes, our cars, our jobs, our friends. Our partner, though, is the closest to our hearts ... we call them soul mates, as if they are actually an extension of us - our better half. We all express our truest view of ourselves through our choice of partners.
As people grow and evolve, it's not uncommon for them to "trade up" partners ... sometimes this is midlife crisis posturing, but it often makes sense that as one's view of self evolves, one's vision of the ideal counterpart evolves. Self-awareness requires the shedding of many skins and newfound maturity can require new challenges and complementary people.
Next time you feel an urge to spring clean your psyche, and gut-check your choices ... take a moment to consider your ideal partner, look at the patterns of your attractions, and perceive your lovers as a mirror to your deepest sense of self. You might just be surprised!