Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Cover me, I'm going in!!

Never let it be said that I take the safe route and steer clear of dangerous ground!   I'm not one to tiptoe through life and if you are going to ask for my opinion, you'll get it no holds barred!   I think it's time to address the number one question I get in my inbox and let the chips fall where they may ...

"Miz B, how do I get my wife to be like you?"   "Can you teach my wife?"   "My girlfriend is uptight and not into sex like you are ... can you talk to her and fix her?"  The variations are endless, but the answer is always the same :  "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!"

First, let me say that if everyone's wife was like me, I'd be something else entirely - I'm contrary that way!   Second, be careful what you wish for.  Third, if you wanted a woman more like me, why didn't you date/marry one?!  And finally, if I hear one more man call his woman defective when he can't inspire her to be a sexual cartoon character, I will scream!

I suspect that very few men really want a woman like me.   I'm fiercely independent, easily bored, opinionated to the extreme, impatient, and frankly spoiled rotten!   As a fantasy all of that can rock ... but in daily life, it means you have to have the patience of a saint, be very secure, and be willing to tread softly while I rage.   I'm sexually demanding, used to getting whatever I want when I want it, and not likely to reassure you that the flavor of the day wasn't better/bigger/yummier than you.   

I am absolutely certain that most of these queries come from men with beautiful, sexy, and loyal wives/girlfriends.   But they want more.  There's nothing wrong with that.  I'm a huge fan of the idea that we should all be able to explore our full potential and sexuality is no different.   But I do take exception to the idea that somehow there's something "wrong" with your partner if she isn't ready to jump into a three-some or dress up in latex and flog your ass.      If those things are really important to you and she is absolutely opposed, then take a mulligan and choose your partner more wisely the next time around - guaranteed you will only make each other miserable.   But often, you'd be wise to LISTEN ... maybe your kinky ideas trigger her insecurities or fears, but I'll bet  she has some of her very own that might rock your world!   In general, women tend to be more practical on these matters - you are thinking about how hot a scenario will be, she is thinking about what will happen if the baby cries while she's chained to the wall.   If you introduce ideas slowly and in ways that are meant to please her instead of turning her into your personal blowup doll, you will likely meet with more success.

Lip Service - 070913 - Miz B

In the be careful what you wish for department, you've got to realize that what's good for the gander is also good for the goose.  If you want a woman who understands your need to go to the strip club and occasionally  hunt some temporary fun, you'd better be the man who understands her need to do the same.   Want a 3-way?   Then don't freak out when she does too - but with her hot male personal trainer instead of the female stripper you had your eye on!   Realize that the sexually adventurous spirit you hope to awaken in her will not always revolve around you.  When she explores bisexuality, you might not be invited to spectate or join.   And when she discovers a love for domination, don't come crying to me that you forgot to have a safe word ready and how do you put the genie back in the bottle?!   

Trust Me - 070913 - Miz B

It may also be time to evaluate yourself instead of rating her a dud.   When was the last time you hit the gym?   You can't expect her to react to your couch potato physique the same way she'd react to The Rock.  Are you adventurous in other areas of life?  Do you try new food, movies, and vacations that she wants to try or do you insist on maintaining a tried n true, meat & potatoes life?   Do your daily actions show appreciation for her and her unique sexiness?  Believe me, nothing makes a woman feel less sexy than being constantly reminded that she's gained a few pounds, is boring in bed, and generally just isn't enough.   Simply put, happy women secure in themselves and their relationships have a safe, solid foundation from which to explore.  

Finally, let's have a little reality check.   Life is not always a 3 ring sexual circus.  I don't care if a women is a porn star, a swinger, a freak, or simply free ... she's not ALWAYS going to be in full sexual overdrive.   It's easy for those of us in the business of fantasy to be the ideal woman ... you see what we want you to see.   When I have a headache, I don't go out and shoot.   When I am stressed over my kids, I'm not going to be blogging about it.  When I'm PMSing, I'm going to stay in my sweats on the couch and stay out of the world in general.   The women you share your lives with don't have that luxury ... you get all of them, the good and the bad.  Fantasy women are never upset with you over those $3000 golf clubs you just bought ... your wife actually has to juggle all the aspects of life with you.   That's the beauty of real life and the curse ... nobody can live up to the fantasy ideal - myself included.   Believe me, I have references!  I have no doubt that the men in my life have often wished they could trade the whole real me for that Miz B on the internet - she's just more fun!   

**Shameless plug alert :  If you want to test the waters with your lady and see what she really thinks/feels about some of these topics, pop a bottle, cuddle up and enjoy a trip through the shadowsexposed archive!**


  1. Beautifully put, as usual. Everyone, men and women, need to remember that their partners have wants and needs as well. Gentlemen, just because you get aroused when the wind blows doesn't mean your lady does! When you can explore your freaks together things can get very interesting!

  2. Well stated. We all need to respect our partners' wishes and desires if we expect our desires to be respected. Also, I think Miz B is sensational, but it doesn't mean I necessarily want my partner to be like her. That statement is in no way meant to be disrespectful to Mix B, but the variety of personalities is what keeps life interesting. (I've been away, but I'll be active again.)

    1. Welcome back, Derek! We've missed your insights! :-) I absolutely agree - variety is the whole point! Can't even imagine being offended - nobody can be everyone's cup of tea! For that matter, I actually prefer to be more like a banana split - fun, very indulgent, and a special treat, but not something you want to have everyday! ;-)

    2. Honestly, every day doesn't sound all that bad. I could, in fact, enjoy that quite a bit. My tongue is getting hard while I write this....


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