Saturday, August 10, 2013

Bottom Line: It's Better to Give Than to Receive!

Today we head back to the mailbag (ok the inbox, but I'm feeling retro!) for another top five most mentioned item.  I'm not sure if this is really such a pressing topic on the male psyche or if it's still a little taboo so everyone is relieved to have someone open to frank discussions of sexuality with whom to broach the subject.  Either way, anal sex seems to be on a lot of minds.  Even moreso after my recent posting of the Starscape image.  If you missed it, consider this to be an invitiation to peruse the archives - it's never too late to chime in on a topic that titillates you! 


Ass Up - 081013 - Miz B
I'm going to come right out and say that I'm not opposed to anal sex ... I just happen to believe it's better to give than to receive!   If you're a loyal reader, you now I'm a fan of trying things before you decide you don't like them.   I'm also convinced that almost ANY sexual variation can be a disaster or an ecstasy - depending on the circumstances, the partners involved, and the skills with which it is practiced.  Even things that are physically unappealing in and of themselves can become sensational if your mental arousal is overwhelming enough.  All of that said - sorry to burst so many bubbles - anal sex is right up there with the toe-sucking encounter on my list of things I feel no need to do again for my own satisfaction.   That doesn't mean I'll never go there again ... it just means it better be your birthday and I'd better be head over heels for you - for starters!  

Over the years, my anal sex policy has evolved to a very succinct attitude:  You First!   I don't think anyone is puzzled by why men want to try it.   But I do think men have very little idea of what they are actually asking for.  So rather than dismiss the idea out of hand, I just submit that if a man thinks it sounds like a good idea, he should anally take something relative to his size in ratio to his penis size relative to me.   Preferably at the level of intensity he intends for my lil ass!  If, after being on the receiving end, he still thinks this sounds like a fun idea, I'll consider it.  Face it, thanks to the prostate, men are actually built to receive more pleasure from anal penetration than women, so this should be a reasonable request.  Interestingly, this is usually the last time the subject comes up!   Now before you panic and fill my inbox with shocked distress, let me be clear.   I'm not a strap-on queen, I don't think that taking pleasure from anal stimulation equates to homosexuality, and I'm never disappointed when my offer is passed up.   I just think that people need to put themselves in their partners' shoes from time to time to gain appreciation for their positions.  

Ass Up II - 081013 - Miz B

Beyond personal preference, I've heard a lot of valid reasons for women resisting anal overtures.   #1 is the pain factor.  Sadly, this is one area in which being well-endowed is actually a detriment.   Face it, if you're a tripod, she has a very good reason to fear for her health.  The tightness may be part of the appeal, but it's also a warning that there is a limit to what she can take without damage.  Lack of natural lubrication makes lube a must (and honestly a lil bit of alcohol lubrication doesn't hurt either lol) ... and slow & steady wins the day.   Frankly, trust is HUGE to success in this endeavor ... so if you are a guy who likes to try to "oops!" slip it in the wrong spot in the heat of the moment, you are definitely not going to get cooperation in the future.   My "you first" approach applies here too - it's difficult to understand the vulnerability of being penetrated at the edge of your ability to relax if you've never had to take that deep breath and trust someone not to tear you to pieces.  

The other factor in anti-anal sentiment that I hear most often is the ick factor.  While there are definitely hygiene concerns that must be addressed responsibly, for some people there's a mental barrier that is absolute.   I won't play armchair psychologist on the roots of this position, but a partner who feels this way is unlikely to be swayed by anything you have to say or tempt them with.   Respect their boundary or move on.   People who perceive anal sex as dirty and taboo, even if they try it, are unlikely to enjoy it.  Our perceptions create our experiences.  You can't yield to an experience if you are actively fighting it in your mind.  And surrender is key to good, safe anal sex.   

Of course there are also those individuals who love anal sex for exactly the same reasons.  They find it dirty and taboo.  They think it hurts soooo good.  I doubt that they experience the physical sensations any differently than people who find anal distasteful, but they interpret the event much differently.   Much of their excitement comes from knowing they are doing something "naughty" or "wicked."   Much like BDSM activities, they find value in the pain, the taboo, and the primal nature of the act.   I've even met a few women and quite a few men who claim that with practice, anal gets easier and becomes as de rigueur as standard missionary.  

Wherever you fall on the spectrum of anal attitude, there are definitely plenty of people right there with you.   It's a polarizing issue in many bedrooms.    It's a complicated question in many minds, jumbled up with homosexuality, sadism, and taboo.  Let's remember, though, that it's also just another option in the endless possibilities of pleasure that flit through the shadows, waiting for the right spark to ignite unexpected passions.

12 comments:

  1. Trust is definitely key. In past relationships I was willing to try, especially with the alcohol and ample lube, but it just didn't work. My partner was only interested for novelty, and didn't want to hurt me, so we didn't try very often, and it wasn't actually a very satisfying experience for either of us. In my newer relationship, again I was willing to try, for the sake of new and potentially pleasurable experiences, and voila! It was still scary for the pain factor, but when I relaxed, because I trusted him, it was tolerable. And then...I actually came from it. Surprise! It was all about trusting him, and him knowing me, and us communicating...I understand why it's a somewhat taboo topic, and many of my friends would never even consider it. But, as you said, like with the toe experience- it's worth giving a new experience a chance, for the checkbox, and the possibility that you might actually find new pleasure! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amazing, isn't it, how much the quality of any sexual variation is dependent on the relationship within which it occurs?! I love what you said about your former partner's interest being for the novelty ... I think a lot of people fall into this category for anal. More power to them, this is just one of those things that I need real trust, passion, and insane motivation to get in the right headspace to enjoy. You illustrate beautifully why I try never to say "I don't like sex act A," when what I really mean is that "I didn't get anything out of sex act A with person X!"

      Delete
    2. I love your concept about ANAL sex. I remember one experience I had in Germany. I love and women dressed in red lingerie and women with red hair. Having candle wax dripping on each other. That night was one that I would never forget. Anal sex is all about sliding in the right way. I would totally do it again, if I ever came across her again.

      Delete
  2. It has no appeal for me. I would never suggest it to a woman, but I would go for it if it was something she wanted. Having said that, like so many things, it's a matter of personal likes and dislikes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are definitely not alone in this Derek ... I tend to write from a female perspective (for obvious reasons lol) but I hope I didn't make it sound like all men are dying for anal. I've had lovers who find the idea less appealing than a root canal - though some were giving enough they'd have done it anyway had it been something I honestly desired :-) I think your final statement could singlehandedly close every single discussion we have here ... when it comes right down to it, all things shadowy and sensual come down to personal taste - something to be celebrated!

      Delete
    2. No Miz B,I didn't interpret your comments as suggesting all men want anal. It sounded like you were soliciting opinions, and you were quite successful there. Some recent topics have not received much feedback, but this topic is generating buzz.

      Delete
  3. I like it. It rocks. Praise be to any woman willing to receive. Next stop: DP LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ahhhh internal swordfighting - I sense another blog post topic in the brewing! :-) Rock on, good man! I'm curious what in particular you like about it? Always fascinating for me to get some male perspective on these topics!

      Delete
  4. lol@ It better be you birthday!
    Anal is def one of those things that isn't for everyone. But I like your approach to it, and other things. You're willing to try anything (within reason I'm sure) once. Anal can be fun if done with the right person. However, I would rather do it with a woman who actually likes it (I've met a few) than someone who is only doing it to please me. Doing it to please me isn't necessarily a bad thing but for me I want my sexual encounters to be mutually pleasing. One friend told me that she's done it but it does nothing for her so she just does it if the guy wants it.
    I will never be on the recieving end tho, lol. Just not my thing. But I do understand your point, which is why I would never want to do it with a woman who wasn't into it to begin with. It's really not that high on my list of sexual acts, haha. Good thing my average ass isn't a tripod!
    I also was never a guy who was so infatuated with "tightness". That's actually a big turn off for me. I just like pussy to be normal, with just the right amount of pressure. Not only does it hurt me if it's too tight, it's just not fun, although I know some men who love that. For me, anal is just something different, not something I like because it's tight.

    I just read the anonymous comment. I was actually surprised with one sexual partner who came the hardest during anal sex. It was crazy! And she was a squirter so we had to use like three towels, lmao.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Actually, I'm willing to try anything at least twice - in case the person I did it with the first time didn't know what they were doing! ;-) I love your take on this, though ... I don't think any particular act should be a must do ... it's all about finding what you both enjoy and rocking the hell out of that together! I think for a lot of men, it's a turnoff that anal is usually discussed as something you are doing *to* her instead of with her. While there are certainly people for whom this is acceptable, most men I know take pride in being an awesome experience for their partner in bed, not something she endured for an anal merit badge!

      Delete
    2. lmao@anal merit badge! Love your frankness! Wish more people were as open as you are. I'm def one of the ones who prefers a mutual experience and not just doing something to another person. In general, tho, I prefer to give. Which brings up another topic that you may or may not have done: oral sex. I love to give it but I could care less if I ever got it. I've received great head before but it just ain't "my thing" like that. But I know some guys who have said "oh, she better be suckin dick". But they're the first ones to cringe at eating pussy. I'm like really dude?

      Delete
    3. I think oral is a great topic for a future post as well. To me it's as integral to sex as kissing, so I forget that it's not a universally accepted practice. I think I miss a lot of obvious topics because they are just natural daily life to me ... or have been un-taboo in my world for so long that they don't occur to me as things to discuss! You so sound like a male version of me lol ... I'll let someone go downtown if it's their thing, but even when it's good my mind is likely to wander (especially if sports center is on lol). Maybe it comes from the early years of keeping my virginity and awesome boyfriends concurrently through oral prowess, but this is def another "better to give than receive" area for me too! :-)

      Delete

Thank you for sharing a comment!!! Your involvement saves us from the sounds of our own voices echoing in an empty room!. Your comments will not show up immediately and may take up to a day to appear. Thanks and keep them coming.