Thursday, January 22, 2015

Tidying up sex

One of my resolutions for this year is to de-clutter and tidy up my life.  Of course this includes going through all the stuff in my homes and separate it all into four piles - keep, throw away, donate, and sell.  I think it is a good idea to do this internally as well and determine what to keep and what to let go, including parts of my sexual life.

Aleska - 012215 - SideB

I've been reading Marie Kondo's book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.  In this translated-from-Japanese book, she recommends you assess every item and ask yourself, "Does this bring me joy?"  If you decide it doesn't, you thank it for its service and discard it.   I did this with my clothing a few weeks ago and got rid of over 60% of it.  I found most of my wardrobe didn't bring me joy nor really fit me or was in style. It was a great way to minimalize and not have regrets for what I got rid of.

While on the plane to Las Vegas for a week of creative work, I started to wonder if this technique could be used for the emotional and relational parts of my life.  I've always been good at keeping my Facebook friends to a small list of those I truly feel a connection with.  Why not try it with likes and desires as well?

It is time to take a sexual inventory and decide what of it brings me joy and what should be discarded.  After much libido and soul searching, I've decided that I've got enough variations of notches in my belt.  I've done most everything once or more and now find very few items that I yearn for due to their novelty.  I wont go into details what they are, but for most I will be fine never visiting them again.  The reason I can let them go is that after doing them I found they didn't really bring me joy beyond the novelty.  After analysis, I found most of them were nothing more than a new form of friction.  So, what made the list of keeping?  Two major themes - connection and art/expression.
Aleska -  112215 - SideB

Connection - I believe those that involve an intimate connection to another person are very personal and worth developing, exploring, enjoying, and keeping.  Getting out straps and binding someone is kind of boring if there isn't that connection, trust, and understanding.  The same goes for role playing, anal sex, or even making out.  These connections don't necessarily require us to be life-long soul mates.   I've had deep, temporary connections  that only lasted hours or a few days.  The important part though was the connection.

Art/expression.  This is as personal as the connection theme.  When I work with a model to create something, we are hopefully connecting and then I really hope I connect with the art that comes out of it.  I usually find the deeper the connection to the creation and the product, the better the art.  Erotic art should be personal and personally powerful.  It should also bring me joy and fulfillment to create.

So, I hope in 2015 to discern and distill down what I find meaningful and fulfilling so I can then focus on exploring, experiencing, and relishing those sensual pleasures.  I believe that will bring me joy.

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Illustrated Man

Tattoos are a right of passage. They're a marker of bravery, of maturity, of cultural acceptance. The tattoo represents not only a willingness to accept pain - to endure it - but a need to actively embrace it. Because life is painful - beautiful but painful ... 
Nicola Barker

Inked Love - 011815 - Miz B

Show me a man with a tattoo and I'll show you a man with an interesting past.
 ~ Jack London

Take me on a guided tour of your life ... undress and reveal to me your story.   Your body is an illuminated manuscript, written in muscle & scars & ink.   It's all there for my fingers to trace ... your work, your loves, your pains, your fears, your passions.   For all of the mystery and unknowns between us, when we lie together in the moon glow, damp skin cooling, pounding hearts calming, your skin is your soul laid open to me.   Even the blank spaces are full of aching potential - and I kiss those inviting gaps, yearning to open your world and your heart to the experiences that will someday illustrate that unmarked flesh, to weave just the smallest piece of my love into your permanent narrative.

I Am Death - 011815 - Miz B

Tattooing, when understood in its entirety, must be seen as a religious act. The human being brings forth images from the center of the self and communicates them to the world. Fantasy is embodied in reality and the person is made whole.
~ Spider Webb

Tattoos are living art ... that person may not paint, or compose music - they may not draw or take photographs.  But there is a story, and emotion, a passion inside them that demands expression.  A great tattoo artist doesn't just impose a tattoo on a body ... they coax this reality from the soul, summoning the feelings to the flesh.   Sure, there are careless, superficial, awful tattoos out there - but let's be honest:  there are some careless, superficial, awful people out there too!   Like any art form, a great tattoo reveals and enhances the beauty of the medium.   

Mother Muse - 011815 - Miz B

Our bodies were printed as blank pages 

to be filled with the ink of our hearts.
Michael Biondi

Krysta Kaos - 011815 - SideB

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Review: Landscape of a Woman by Byron Newman

One of the things I enjoy the most about making a living indulging my passions is all of the incredible, creative people I am privileged enough to meet and sometimes lucky enough to collaborate with!  Even when I end my blog sentences with a preposition, they have a lovely habit of caring more about the meaning of my writings and images than about their technical perfection!  

Two years ago, I was fortunate enough to enjoy the company of the talented master photographers involved with and soak up some of their collective knowledge.   I suspect the information was far more valuable to my photographer - while I got to revel in the personalities and passions! :-)  I enjoyed a delightful repartee with a legendary Brit lens-master, Byron Newman - whose love of natural light, natural beauty, and naturally a bit of mischief resonated with me vividly!

Classic Byron Newman

Since then, my travels to London seem to keep criss-crossing with his sojourns to Africa and Ibiza, but we stay in touch online and I'm grateful for his feedback and encouragement.   He's recently published his first novel, Landscape of a Woman.   Especially in light of my current work on Memoirs of a Jaded Romantic, I've been eager to absorb not only his writing but also his experiences in publishing!   It was an honor to feel comfortable enough to offer him my review, both privately and online.   What follows is that review for your information, the link to download his novel, and my shameless plug for a truly cool gentleman's unique erotic spin on the Landscape of a Woman!  

I’ll confess up front:  when I heard that one of my favorite photographers was venturing into erotic fiction, I cringed.   Not just a twinge, a full-on groaning wince.   Why?  Think Michael Jordan’s foray into baseball, or Madonna’s early “acting.”   It is often painful to watch a master of one art form blunder through another.

Much to my delight, however, Mr. Newman remained true to form … translating his eye for beauty and passion for women into an articulate and titillating exposé of an era and it’s lifestyle adventures!    He gives voice to the restless eroticism of the 80’s,  flavored with a rich flair of European style.   Those of us lucky enough to have romped through that playground will recognize the sights, sounds, tastes, and energies of the settings with delight – & find them all yummily enriched by the personalities of his characters.

The women here were another pleasant surprise.   Quite often, erotica has a decidedly masculine lean – the characterizations ringing hollow and vaguely cartoonish to me.    Again, Mr. Newman’s genuine understanding and respect for women in all their imperfect, sensual glory shines through and wins the day.   Just as his impressive body of photographic work encompasses the diversity of women’s personalities and forms, his writing offers real, flawed, sexy, and compelling women who act on their own fantasies and needs, not the stereotypical cravings of vanilla society.   Relatable, mysterious, and exciting – the entire cast is worth sharing the trip through this exploration of sensuality and it’s context in a unique place and time.

A final note of appreciation  … while Byron manages to stay true to the perspective of his characters, there is no denying that his particularly edgy, very British, slightly ironic voice shines through in proper measure.   You will find yourself holding your breath in anticipation, sighing with impatience, & chuckling with glee at the vivid images his prose evokes.  In the end, I feel like the author and I are mutual acquaintances of the characters – and it would be lovely to gossip about them over a cup of tea - or a bottle of  scotch!  Overall, a strong entré into the genre and a novel more insightful than expected – I look forward to seeing more of Mr. Newman’s tales  from his lovely, lusty view of the landscape of a woman!

Thursday, January 8, 2015


Reflections I - 010815 - Miz B

A man has only one escape from his old self to see a different self in the mirror of some woman's eyes. 

Clare Boothe Luce

The miracle of a new lover is not just in discovering them ... it's in discovering who you can be through their eyes.   I've written before about the different sides of myself that different lovers have drawn out - the different chemical reactions that occur between personalities.  But every now and then, you meet someone who opens your eyes on another level - who shows you a potential in yourself that might remain undiscovered without them.   

It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.
John Joseph Powell

When we begin to crave the company of another person, we want more than their company:  we want to be who we are in their presence.   You know what I'm talking about - the person who makes you feel funnier with their laugh, more attractive with their admiration, sexier with their hunger for you.   It's not exactly that they make you better, it's just that when they see the best in you, you start to see it too!

The greatest of lovers don't just perform spectacularly in bed, somehow they elevate your game as well.  The best sex ever is when you both leave feeling like you just gave a personal best performance that somehow wouldn't have been possible with anyone else!  When you find that kind of lover, absorb the ideal you that they see ... live up to and grow into it.  
There are two ways of spreading light; to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
Edith Wharton