Thursday, January 22, 2015

Tidying up sex

One of my resolutions for this year is to de-clutter and tidy up my life.  Of course this includes going through all the stuff in my homes and separate it all into four piles - keep, throw away, donate, and sell.  I think it is a good idea to do this internally as well and determine what to keep and what to let go, including parts of my sexual life.

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I've been reading Marie Kondo's book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.  In this translated-from-Japanese book, she recommends you assess every item and ask yourself, "Does this bring me joy?"  If you decide it doesn't, you thank it for its service and discard it.   I did this with my clothing a few weeks ago and got rid of over 60% of it.  I found most of my wardrobe didn't bring me joy nor really fit me or was in style. It was a great way to minimalize and not have regrets for what I got rid of.

While on the plane to Las Vegas for a week of creative work, I started to wonder if this technique could be used for the emotional and relational parts of my life.  I've always been good at keeping my Facebook friends to a small list of those I truly feel a connection with.  Why not try it with likes and desires as well?

It is time to take a sexual inventory and decide what of it brings me joy and what should be discarded.  After much libido and soul searching, I've decided that I've got enough variations of notches in my belt.  I've done most everything once or more and now find very few items that I yearn for due to their novelty.  I wont go into details what they are, but for most I will be fine never visiting them again.  The reason I can let them go is that after doing them I found they didn't really bring me joy beyond the novelty.  After analysis, I found most of them were nothing more than a new form of friction.  So, what made the list of keeping?  Two major themes - connection and art/expression.
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Connection - I believe those that involve an intimate connection to another person are very personal and worth developing, exploring, enjoying, and keeping.  Getting out straps and binding someone is kind of boring if there isn't that connection, trust, and understanding.  The same goes for role playing, anal sex, or even making out.  These connections don't necessarily require us to be life-long soul mates.   I've had deep, temporary connections  that only lasted hours or a few days.  The important part though was the connection.

Art/expression.  This is as personal as the connection theme.  When I work with a model to create something, we are hopefully connecting and then I really hope I connect with the art that comes out of it.  I usually find the deeper the connection to the creation and the product, the better the art.  Erotic art should be personal and personally powerful.  It should also bring me joy and fulfillment to create.

So, I hope in 2015 to discern and distill down what I find meaningful and fulfilling so I can then focus on exploring, experiencing, and relishing those sensual pleasures.  I believe that will bring me joy.

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